I was sitting there on a bed that could have easily found itself on the inside of an ambulance, struggling to draw breath through lungs that just wouldn't unclamp, pausing only to vomit in a sick bag, and all I could think about, besides not being able to breathe-- and oh god why aren't the medicines helping-- is that the person that wore my hospital gown last might be dead. I'm not entirely sure what causes burn holes in someone's hospital gowns but I can't imagine that it was at all pleasant.
Yesterday was not a good day for me. As all the not previously scheduled hospital visits I've had in the past, this one shook the puzzle box that is my life and waited for me to realize that it'd magically changed the shape of all the pieces, again. Some people have near-death experiences and change their life for a few months before turning back around to their old ways. That worked out great for me... the first time. Now, some power out there is taking matters into its own hands that I don't go down a path I oughtn't be going down. I just wish, sometimes, that said power would be kind enough to send a warning. Actually, I take that back, now that I think about it, I totally saw something coming. I apologize anonymous fate, I just really suck at reading your signs sometimes. Or, at least, predicting what exactly they entail. My fault. Anyways, moving on.
Today, I had an appointment with my pulmonologist/allergist. I dare you to live my life and not believe in some form of higher power. No, really. I had a flare up a few weeks back and my mom managed to get me an appointment at the overbooked clinic for today. I'd completely forgotten about it until my mom told the ER people that a follow up appointment was unnecessary as I would be seen at the clinic the next day. Such coincidences are oddly the norm of my life. The doctor, at the clinic, told me my cat had to go. I call one of my best friends in tears to ask if they would take in my cat. They still live with their folks so they had to ask. I was a wreck trying to find someone to take in my cat when a good bit later, they call to tell me they can keep the cat. Apparently, the patriarch had been wanting to get a third cat. See what I mean about coincidences? I swear, my cat knows something is up. Normally, I'd just say I'm projecting human emotion onto her but she cried. I mean like, a big fat tear streamed down each eye. Under different circumstances, I'd be calling a vet but she had this look in her. Maybe she's just stressed that I haven't stopped crying since I got home.
Then, there was work. My doctor advised, and by advised I mean ordered since he did say my cat had to go, that I should no longer work in direct contact with animals. That led to a lot more tears. So, I went to hand in a resignation letter. My boss didn't take it. Instead, she talked to my other bosses and they've found me another job in the store. After such a crappy day, I think that's the one redeeming factor. I found out I was valued enough that they refused to take my resignation letter. That, or the tears streaming down my face, the emotional wreck that I was/am, got to them. Seems like I'll be learning to work a cash register and working normal hours. I'm going to miss my old job but I don't have to say goodbye to my coworkers! Who knows, maybe this was part of the plan. Oh yeah, still don't believe in that higher power I was telling you about? I don't care what you call it, just pay attention sometime and see what I mean.
On a rather amusing note, my mom implied to the hospital staff that I was an atheist. I don't have any of the religions they listed. Haha!
No comments:
Post a Comment